i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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