So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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