kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
