We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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