I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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