Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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