How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want a musical about memes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
