Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have post one night stand depression
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