The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
