Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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