I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
