I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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