what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
