when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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