Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
