My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
