**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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