So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
