Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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