Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
