ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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