i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
