thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
