Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
