oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
