Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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