when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
