Have you finally orgasmed yet?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
