I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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