Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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