I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
