5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
