just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
