what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
