yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
