don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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