what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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