next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
