Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
