Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
