so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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