Everything about him screamed your future.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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