I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
