also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
