he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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