i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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