The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
