Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
