Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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