Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
