i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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